My entire life turned upside down in the most beautiful way with the arrival of my son, Doc. The moment I heard that precious little voice for the first time, I broke down in tears of overwhelming love, ugly crying before a room of onlookers who shared in my ecstatic joy. Yes, just as he was placed in my arms, my over-joyed family flooded into the room, unable to wait any longer! Doc was received into this world with so much happiness and celebration, the way every child ought to be welcomed.
There are moments of life that so reveal the fingerprints of God all over our human nature. There are feelings that are so core to who we are, so instinctive and intense, that it becomes unmistakably evident that we were created by Love, Himself.
If I could find one word to define this past week of my life, it is love. I am overwhelmed with love for this little one who, in turn, has enriched my love for my amazing two girls, my husband, our church family, and the life that God has blessed us to live.
Coming off of an entire trimester of bed rest, a season of forced solitude that was sort of a shock to my otherwise on-the-go, busy minister-slash-mom-slash-etcetera lifestyle, I was met with the object behind the sacrifice. And, I was in love. In an instant it was all worth it. In an instant I could do it all over again a thousand times.
As I returned home from the hospital and began my days of maternity leave, another season of being at home, I couldn’t help but notice something was different. I was home before and I am home now, yet the experience wasn’t the same. Before, I was restless and my attention was more on myself and my pregnancy. I felt like I was in danger the entire time of drifting towards numbness, laziness and loss of passion. Now, just a few days later, I am right back at home with a bundle of joy in my arms, facing one more season of “laying low.”
This time, however, the purpose of being home is before my eyes and in my arms. Rather than feeling numb, my heart feels alive. All along, I have been at home for him. But, this time I have vision. Without seeing the reason for my waiting, it was so easy to make it all about me. Now that I can see him, it all makes sense. And, love drives my focus continually off of myself and onto my purpose- Doc. How true is this principle in life? If we can fix our eyes on the Reason for it all, then our waiting will no longer be grueling. If, through faith, we have a clear vision of what we hope for, of what we are sacrificing for, then we not only can do it, we want to! We love to! And, we don’t even think twice about it.
This little guy is causing me to fall in love with my God all over again. God’s presence is as close as the gentle sound of Doc’s breath, and as real as the precious thump of his little heartbeat. And, I feel ready again to change this world that God has entrusted to us. I am ready again to pave a path for my little ones of following Jesus with everything.
As I look at this tiny little face, I sense eternity in my hands; and I share in God’s immense love for this child. I think about how he could never in a million years fathom the love I have for him. What a revelation of God’s love! I could never begin to comprehend God’s love for me. It is far too intense and beyond what my finite mind is capable of grasping.
As I hold Doc and contemplate his neediness and helplessness, my heart just aches with such a vulnerable love. I am blown away to think about how God sent the Hope of the world in a package just like this one. How symbolic this is of his decision to place the salvation of humanity into the hands of feeble and utterly dependent followers of Jesus Christ.
In a way, I’ve come just a little bit closer to understanding how a great God could love small humanity so much. Doc couldn’t possibly love me the way I love him. He doesn’t even have the ability to comprehend or remotely thank me for the sacrifices I have already made on his behalf. He will never know the sleepless nights, or the physical and the emotional weight I carry for him. Yet, I love him more than anything in the universe. Suddenly God’s crazy, amazing love makes just a little more sense. Doc can’t earn more love from me. Nor can he possibly do anything to lose my love. What an illustration of God’s grace toward us.
All that said, it is neat how God is discoverable in every season. While at times this discovery seems to come with a fight, at other times he is so up close and personal he is impossible to miss. Right now, I see him in this teeninetsy little man. I thank God for these much-needed reminders of why we exist, why Jesus came, and what life is all about. Love.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8